People with borderline personality disorder often experience intense and unstable relationships, uncontrolled emotions and impulsive behavior. They frequently struggle with feelings of emptiness and fear being abandoned by those they love. They may also self-mutilate and have trouble controlling anger.
If a loved one exhibits these signs, talk to them about treatment. With time and support, they can learn to live fulfilling lives.
1. Intense Emotions and Mood Swings
People with BPD are overwhelmed by their emotions and experience a lot of mood swings. They often experience periods of intense anger, fear, anxiety, hatred or love that last a few hours to a few days. They also have unstable self-image, which leads to frequent changes in values, beliefs, friendships, goals and relationships.
They have difficulty navigating the ups and downs of stable relationships, as they tend to go from idealizing their family members and romantic partners to devaluing them quickly. They may also feel uncomfortable when alone and have a deep fear of abandonment, which leads to self-destructive impulsivity like spending, reckless driving, drugs or unsafe sex.
Because of the intensity of their emotions, people with BPD are often misjudged by those around them. But, despite the pain and suffering they often experience, many people with BPD have amazing courage, strength, depth of love and infinite potential. They have the ability to bend under the weight of life’s challenges, but they don’t break. They grow stronger, more resilient and wiser. Fortunately, effective treatment is available.
2. Impulsivity
A person with borderline personality disorder may have trouble controlling their impulsive behavior. They often take risks without considering the consequences, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex or self-harm behaviors like cutting.
People with impulsive BPD may experience a range of emotions, from anger to deep feelings of emptiness and despair. These erratic behaviors can make it difficult to maintain relationships.
Because impulsive behavior can be a symptom of other conditions, such as bipolar disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), it’s important to see a doctor if you or someone you know has symptoms of BPD. They will perform a psychological exam to determine whether the symptoms are caused by BPD or another condition.
Some experts believe impulsive behaviors are caused by environmental factors, including a person’s upbringing and their caregivers’ parenting styles. Others think there are genetic factors that influence a person’s ability to self-regulate their emotions. Emotional regulation problems can sometimes develop in response to childhood trauma, such as parental neglect or abuse or sexual abuse. This traumatic experience may lead to the belief that expressing impulsive behaviors garners love and attention.
3. Self-Destructive Behavior
People with borderline personality disorder are often impulsive and self-destructive. For example, they may engage in unhealthy coping behaviors such as drinking to excess or dangerous risk-taking activities like unsafe sex or reckless driving. These behaviors can give them a false sense of relief, escape, or protection from painful emotions. But they also have long-term health consequences, including increased stress and instability.
For many people with BPD, their impulsive behavior is the result of childhood trauma or neglect. They can also experience toxic relationships or learn self-destructive patterns from watching their parents.
Self-destructive behavior can feel like the only option in times of distress and isolation. But if you’re living with BPD, it’s important to understand that these behaviors are not healthy and do more harm than good in the long run. Fortunately, you can overcome self-destructive behavior through treatment. Therapy teaches you to press pause on your urges and replace them with healthy coping skills, such as exercise, meditation, or calling a friend for support. You can also learn to recognize your negative thoughts and feelings, which is a core element of modalities like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). For many people with BPD, these healthy coping strategies will be the key to regaining control of their lives.
4. Psychotic-Like Symptoms
Often, people with BPD suffer from dissociative episodes, paranoid thoughts or hallucinations that can trigger intense emotions and fear of abandonment. This co-occurrence of psychotic symptoms and borderline personality disorder is a sign of serious psychopathology, indicating high risk for psychiatric disorders like bipolar disorder and suicidal behavior.
These changes in mood and feelings can affect a person’s self-image, preferences and goals. They can also lead to stormy relationships with loved ones. It’s not surprising that many people with this mental illness also struggle with a substance use disorder or an eating disorder to cope with the intense pain.
This emotional instability can cause people to overreact to minor things. They may experience a sudden outburst of anger or become extremely sad and upset over something they could previously handle without issue. They may have difficulty maintaining perspective and can be misunderstood by others, which adds to their sense of loneliness and isolation. It’s common for those with BPD to blame other people for their own actions or emotions, and they have a hard time seeing the point of view of others.
5. Fear of Abandonment
People with BPD have a profound fear of abandonment, whether real or imagined. They may be unable to trust others and believe that the people closest to them will eventually abandon them, leaving them alone in a painful emptiness. This can lead to unstable relationships, including rocky friendships and estrangement from family members.
They often sabotage their relationships to test the limits of their partner’s love, creating tension and conflict in the relationship. People with BPD also have difficulty forming a stable sense of identity, often feeling like they do not exist at all or that they are not worthy of being loved by other people.
In the face of rejection or perceived abandonment, they may act impulsively to avoid their feelings of pain, including gambling, engaging in unsafe sex, drinking excessively, overeating, driving recklessly and using drugs and other substances. These impulsive behaviors can also lead to self-destructive behavior, such as suicide attempts and threats and hurting oneself (including cutting or burning). The risk of suicide is 40 times higher in people with BPD than in the general population.
